Our Marriage Living in an RV
We hear it all of the time for other couples: I could NEVER live in such a small space with my spouse! How do you guys do it?
First, let’s be clear… our marriage is far from perfect. But that’s just the thing.
Your marriage doesn’t have to be perfect to live in an RV together.
And we actually think that your marriage gets better when you’re living in such a small space together, with your schedules synced, everyone at home, and working together for the same goal.
Now, we’re definitely generally speaking when we talk about problems in your marriage.
We do not have any serious issues (such as affairs, lying, trust issues, etc.). Moving into an RV together when you have massive marital obstacles to overcome probably isn’t the healthiest move.
You have to be on the same page, you have to be a TEAM.
If we had tried to RV together as newlyweds, we wouldn’t have lasted a month. We were still figuring out so much about each other. We still needed to go to the other room and be alone since we weren’t used to living with someone yet. We were still navigating what evening routines looked like, and flexing those communication skills when it came to expressing our desires.
We could not imagine hashing through all of the newlywed woes while also living in such close quarters.
But who knows… maybe just like now, it would have helped then! (We were in a 900 sq. foot one bedroom apartment.)
Our Marriage
We met in college, and after graduation got married in October. We adopted our precious kiddos after being married for five years, and decided to RV full time after being married for 10 years. Writing this, we’ve been married for 12 years (going on 13 soon).
We’re very traditional in our beliefs of marriage, and what it should (and should not) be. We believe that the man is the head of the household… but that it doesn’t make the wife’s role “less than.” It’s natural, in any group (just think of high school science class), for there to be a leader. Given the masculine traits that men are so blessed with, they’ve been well equipped to lead and protect their families, defending them, upholding truth, and serving their wife and children well in the place of biblical authority.
Then the helpmeet, the supporting companion, ensures the success of the leader’s endeavors and serves her family humbly. Beautiful, feminine energy that mothers, nurtures, and bolsters each of her family members in the way the Lord has made her to do.
Our marriage, like any marriage, has had its fair share of ups and downs. But we love and enjoy each other, and are constantly seeking God, which in turn betters our marriage for one another.
To the person thinking they can’t live in an RV with their spouse…
Try to rekindle that desire to want to be with them like you did when you were engaged.
Believe that if it’s something you both want, you’ll both make it work.
Again, this is not to cover up serious marital strife, especially in the case of abuse…
But if your marriage is generally healthy, we don’t believe there’s any reason to not get more in tune with each other and find a way to live harmoniously and happily in less than 400 square feet.
Deciding to RV
John expressed wanting to travel the country (and live in an RV in Alaska) during a rather unserious conversation a few years into our marriage. We laughed about it, and that was that.
But it planted a thought. And nearly 8 (or more) years later, when we found ourselves no longer tied to Colorado with our jobs, it became a real consideration.
While our ultimate goal is to have land and a farm, and build our forever home – the RV route did seem like a feasible idea for getting out of debt, paying cash for land, and having someplace affordable to stay while we build.
But the more we talked, the more we realized a big part of the dream was to travel and see the country. So we came up with a hybrid plan to travel full time while also being somewhat stationary as we build on our land.
No, we were not both ready to dive into this full time RV lifestyle the first time it was mentioned. We both went through our seasons of doubt, and wondering if we were making a good decision for our family. But in the end, we ended up at the same place, and felt insurmountable peace about what God was calling our family to do.
Frequently Asked Questions about our marriage in an RV
Do we ever get any date nights?
Away from the RV? No. Not unless friends or family that we’re visiting help us make it happen (which they do, and we’re so grateful for it)!
Otherwise we’re with our kids all of the time, and we don’t get a traditional, routine date night.
That said, our children are in bed usually around 7:30 pm. That means we get our evenings together, kid free, for at least several hours each night. That time is precious to us, and helps us decompress and spend quality time with each other.
Our biggest tip for having privacy with your spouse? Get a sound machine for the kids. Not only does it drown out any outdoor noises (hello, thin RV walls), they can’t hear you or the TV (that you’re most likely watching feet from their room).
Do we ever get any time to ourselves?
Sure! We might be only a few feet apart in the living room, but Melody gets to “check out” in her own way by watching her TV shows, or reading a good book… while John puts the headset on and games for a bit.
Usually at 9 pm we reconvene to hang out.
We’ll also have nights out with friends if we’re near people we know, and that’s time apart.
Otherwise we’re pretty much together ALL OF THE TIME, but that’s kind of the point of traveling together as a family.
What do we fight about most often?
While we don’t really have any large fights, it’s difficult to address the little stuff we can tend to bicker about when the kids are always around.
Tensions can rise when we’re stuck indoors with each other all day long, kids running around screaming, dogs laying in the walkways, dishes and laundry to be done… and we can get easily irritated with it all.
Then our poorest colors typically show, and we get grumpy (which the kids love to call out).
Did only one of you want to RV full time?
At first, yes. John brought up the idea years ago (as mentioned above) in a very non-serious conversation. So while it took many years to make the dream a reality, and while at first it was only one of us keen to the idea… eventually we both landed on the same page about it.
And both of you being in agreement for the RV lifestyle is (in our opinion) crucial to making it successful.
There are so many things that go wrong while on the road. Problems can be easily blamed on the person who had the idea if the other is feeling resentful for being in this lifestyle. So talk, talk A LOT.
And if you’re worried about bringing up the idea to your spouse, don’t be!
Pose it as a fun “what if” idea, and see if they’re at all receptive. Follow families online who RV full time, and send each other interesting reels and YouTube videos about it. Make it fun and interesting, and see if anything actually materializes from it.
Sometimes it’s just a matter of waiting until you’re in a better season for RVing full time.
So don’t feel like you both have to be on the same page NOW to ever actually make it happen.
Our tips for making marriage work in such a small space
Communicate.
Okay, so that’s basically the top marriage tip for ANY space. Do your best to communicate your frustrations, and as quickly as possible. If you can go to your room and shut the door, try to privately discuss it.
Date at home.
That’s kind of your only option most times! But go to a conscious effort to really engage and be present for each other that’s different than the rest of the day when you’re together.
Install a lock on your bedroom door, and make sure your kids have a sound machine.
Sometimes it’s the only way to get any real privacy.
Always remember that you’re a team.
It’s easy to blame someone for not booking the right RV park, for forgetting to lock the RV door, or for not being the best backing up director (real life story), but you’re a TEAM. Your failure is your spouse’s failure, and vice versa. You get through things together. It’s never helpful to point the finger.
Learn to be really, really patient.
When SO much is going on in such a small space, tensions rise, and it’s really easy to get impatient with each other quickly. Take a deep breath, and get outside.
Get outside.
If you need time to yourself, just get outside if you can. It’s the best place to decompress, get fresh air, and get a silent minute to yourself. Also, get outside together. The physical activity together can bring you closer
Laugh a lot and be silly.
We love to make each other laugh, have a lot of inside jokes (that the kids don’t get), and are constantly giggling at reels we send each other on Instagram. Having fun and keeping things light hearted is how we get through a lot of difficult days. Laughter is good for any relationship.
Put the other person first.
As long as we’re each striving to put each other first, our pursuit of helping each other be fulfilled and happy benefits the both of us.
Use the small space as a positive, not a negative.
Sure, you can’t retreat to your own private corner. But that’s probably okay. It makes you deal with issues quickly, and allows you to come back together more quickly. Living closely together can (and we think IS) a good thing. Have a mindset that this is an opportunity, and don’t worry so much about it.
Living in our RV as a married couple offers a multitude of benefits that can enrich your relationship. Rather than feeling limited by the size of your living space, embrace the unique opportunities it presents and savor the joy of sharing your life with your partner in a close and intimate setting. Remember, love and happiness can thrive in any space, big or small, as long as you nurture and prioritize your relationship!
